disiplin

ulus yaklasik iki bucuk aydir "burada" degil. yapip ettiklerim, gundelik hayatin gundelik kismi bi sekilde ilerliyor. o sekli sevmiyorum.

ulus'u ozlemek de, bu ilerleyis de aliskanlik ve disiplin sozleriyle, kavramlariyla tarif edilmeye musait. ne acayip. hic yakisti mi simdi? ulus'u ozlemeyi gundelik hayattan siyirmak istiyorum. ozlemeyi ertelemeyebilmek mesela... zaman ayirip soyle doya doya ozlemek.

simdi gecenin bir vakti deleuze okurken, sanci halinde yuregime dusen bir aci gibi hissetmek degil de, elime ne alirsam alayim onu ulus'la okuyacagimi bilerek... bilmiyormus gibi yapmadan, buna muktedir olmadan/olamadan. yalnizligin hakikaten yalin olabildigi o guzelim alanda.

saatler, gunler, aylar, yillar gecsin, yaratilan sukunetin barisligi karsisinda dikilemeyen herkes soyle bir cekilsin, ulus'la olalim. biz, hepimiz. ol-mak onsuz sadece yap-mak zaten.

simdi deleuze'e donmek gerek. yap-madan.

bisi

yalniz demenin hic bir anlami yoktur. tipki ozgur demenin olmadigi gibi.
yasama ne kadar ickinse bunlar, anlam o kadar bereler. ikisini de tarif etmenin bi yolu yoktur.
zira her tarif bisileri disarida birakmak zorundadir. ama bu ikisi hic bisiyi disarida birakmaz.

again, is stopping about time?

Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick.
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.